The Legend of Knockertron (EP.10)

Note that all of the content of this blog is 96.45% fictional

            Still reeling from the death of Bruce Lee and having completely forgotten about his plan to become a professional cyclist, Knockertron stumbled from open bar to open bar on the L.A club scene. In fact by 9.30pm he was so wasted you could have knocked him over with an internet. He probably would have knocked over at least 14 dustbins on the way home if it wasn’t for the interjection of a kindly soul. And that soul was a young Korean man called Samii Escobar.

            Samii Escobar came across Knockertron earlier in the evening. He picked him out because he thought that it was slightly odd that a chicken was downing shots of Jack Daniels on the L.A club scene. He decided to follow him and help him get home because Mr. Escobar was a kindly sort of fellow. He was also a big contributor to the founder of popular boy-band Boyzonal. All these factors combined to compel Mr. Escobar to follow our hero. It turned out to be a decision that would alter both of these colorful characters lives forever. So Samii escorted our hero to his home and waited until till he awoke.

“You were pretty banana’d last night” said Samii

“I was fine if not for the fish and chips” replied Knockertron

“That may be true but you have angered the Gods” yelled Samii

“I do not care for weathermen, Good day to you Sir!!” replied Knockertron and stampeded out of Samii’s dwelling.

“You will need me when the time comes” shouted Samii after him.

            Back at Crazy Bill’s Funky Farmyard our hero was contemplating recent events in his life. “Maybe I should let this new guy into my sub-concious” he thought. “I need a strong male influence in my life after my father cast me out and my uncle died. But maybe he might just use me for my cookie recipe.” After much of this kind of deliberating Knockertron decided to return to the dwelling of this mystery man (Who isn’t a mystery to any of you readers! Lol) Knockertron was about to make his first real friend since the late nineties. The lone wolf that was Knockertron would no longer be completely alone. He would have one friend.

End of Episode 4

(Episode 5 will be up on Sunday.)

P.S Like Share & follow, Knockertron gives his thanks

Samii Escobar

The Legend of Knockertron (EP.9)

Please note that all of the content in this blog is 96.45% fictional.

Knockertron couldn’t remember how much alcohol he had ingested. Hell he couldn’t even remember how to spell ‘bed’. So imagine his surprise when he was challenged to a gravy-wrestling match by ‘popular’ urban musician Nicki Minuj. The challenge was issued because of our hero’s boast about how great his potatoes tasted with gravy. As the proud owner of the finest potatoes in L.A, Nicki took offense to this.

“My potato would kick the sh1t out of your potato” she growled at him.

“Is that a challenge?” replied Knockertron arrogantly.

“Of course”

“State the terms for the duel you noooob!” declared our hero with gusto

“Gravy wrestling medium sized arena submission only!”

Nicki stated the terms so confidently that it left Kncokertron worried. She seemed to have done this before. And that Knockertron fans, is how our hero ended up on the dancefloor of an L.A nightclub beaten to a pulp covered in gravy and with a copy of ‘Superbass’ wedged into his anal cavity. He quickly picked himself up dusted himself on checked his sweg was still intact and proceeded to the corner of the nightclub where his future superhero comrades were sitting. At this time Sammi Escobar was actually dangling by his ankles from the golden chandelier on the roof of the club wearing nothing but socks but that is another story.

“Hello ‘Ironic Avocado’” said ‘The Body Popper’ amicably. “So nice of you to join, the four of us.”

“Four of you?” questioned Knockertron “Its only you ‘The Glove’ & ‘Mr. Fruity!!??”

“Ah” replied ‘The Body Popper’ “I haven’t introduced you to ‘The Dark Tang’, he sees all and knows yet no-one sees him.”

“So hes an insivible phycic?”

“No, hes just super bad-ass!! So… you wanna join.”

“Dude is the mass of a black-hole infinite”

“Eh I dunno?”

“Well it is, so yes, I will join.”

“Great! Welcome aboard frend.”

Knockertron punched the air with delight with statement because even though he had been beaten to a pulp by an R&B singer and he was covered in gravy, he was soon to become a superhero and nobody would mess with him ever again. And then the chandelier with Samii still attached fell on his leg.

End of Episode 9

(Episode 10 will be released next Friday)

P.S. Like share comment etc, Thank You

ALISTAIR'S BREAKTIME TREATS IS WHAT YOU WANT IF YOU ARE IN THE HIGHSCHOOL RATHGAR. THEY=YUMMY!! FIND THEM IN THE REYNOLDS HALL

Yummy from the Alaisteritron!!!

The Legend of Knockertron (EP.8)

Please note that all of the content in this blog is 96.45% fictional.

            Knockertron woke up to the smell of cheese. Gouda probably but it could have been Edam. He looked around the room slowly but purposely. His friend Samii Escobar was completely unconscious on the coach with half a slice of pizza (Hawaiian) hanging out of his nose. Knockertron calmly removed and ate the pizza while continuing on his way. He walked over to his computer to check his emails. To his great surprise he had an email from ‘The Body Popper’, the leader of the society for underappreciated super powered entities. (To be honest up until that point he had believed that him and Samii had tripped out on cough medicine and experienced a weird shared dream.) The email read, “Meet me at biggest club on the L.A club scene and bring your Korean friend, we are ready to make your membership to our society official.”

“Sweet!” thought Knockertron “I’m gonna be a superhero.” He slowly walked over to Samii and tenderly shook him as an attempt to wake him up. He gave up on this within five seconds and then resorted to screaming abuse at him and placing well aimed head butts into his groin. “WAKE UP YOU LAZY SLOB!!!” whispered our hero “YOU’RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART WITH YOUR RELENTLESS TOMFOOLERY YOU GOON!!!” and then as Samii started to wake up with the innocence of a baby seal Knockertron picked him up by the ankles and flung him out of the second story window. However our just and fair hero quickly felt remorse and ran down onto the street to give his friend a hot beverage and some comforting words.

“Well” croaked Samii “That escalated quickly”

“I’m sorry friend” replied our hero “but sometimes you just grind my gears”

“Ok, I guess but why did you want to wake me anyway yah big ham yah?”

“Oh yeah…” remembered Knockertron “We have to go to the L.A club scene in order for me to be inducted into the society for underappreciated super powered entities.”

Awesome!” replied Samii with gusto. “But if we are going to go to the L.A club scene you do realize we need to get so incredibly wasted that we will only have vague recollections of what mischief we got up to.

“Shots?” suggested Knockertron

“Shots!” agreed Samii and our two heroes skipped off into the blinding lights & head pounding house music of the wonder that is that is the L.A club scene.

End of Episode 8

(Episode 9 will be released on Friday)

P.S. Like share comment etc, Thank You

ALISTAIR'S BREAKTIME TREATS IS WHAT YOU WANT IF YOU ARE IN THE HIGHSCHOOL RATHGAR. THEY=YUMMY!! FIND THEM IN THE REYNOLDS HALL

Yummy from the Alaisteritron!!!

The Legend of Knockertron (EP.7)

Note that all of the content in this blog is 96.45% fictional.

Knockertron awoke to see his best friend and the killer of his uncle having a leisurely cup of Moroccan cocoa together. This infuriated him and he used his goat-like acceleration to catapult himself over the coffee table and chuck El Moe Kiely Fox’s cocoa in his face. “You killed my uncle!!” he roared aggressively.

“Well you just threw hot cocoa in my eyes so I’d say were even. Besides he wasn’t even your uncle… I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Vat?” exclaimed our hero his voice full of shock. “How does that even work?”

“Sit down” reassured El Moe “I will explain everything.”

Our hero promptly sat down still dazed and confused. “The first thing you need to understand was that the people who said they were your family were in fact not. They harbored you in their village and treated you as one of their own but they never understood you they never realized your full potential. When your real parents died I ate some marshmallows to control my grief and then laid you out on a boat on Kernel Sanders Lake. The tribe of fighting chickens eventually found you and adopted you. I did not realize that Shaniqua III was your adoptive uncle when he was shouting at you & I thought that he was a threat. I’m truly sorry for what I did to him and I hope you can forgive. But you have to know that even though the chickens loved they could not truly understand you. Even before you obtained your goat powers you were special. You are a creature of Legend because you are not in fact a chicken... you are the Ugly Duckling!”

“Exsqueeze me?” replied our hero “Baking powder? What you talking bout Phyllis!?”

“You are a member of the duck royal family of Mexico. You are the fabled prince that will be so ugly you will look like a chicken. You are the Ugly Duckling… You are our savior whether you choose to accept your fate or not you are the one to liberate the ducks and overthrow the humans but instead it seems that you have befriended a human!” and as he said this he shot a murderous look at Samii Escobar who promptly mooned him. “I was civil to you before Mr. Escobar but you are part of the accursed race that has poisoned our planet! It is time for the age of the Ducks. Will you come with me nephew?”

“Never!” replied our hero “and Samii’s title is Sir. Escobar!” and with that they slammed the door so hard in El Moe’s face he broke his left collarbone.

“We will meet again Knockertron!” he screamed through the door “And we will be enemies!!”

“Lol” said Samii and the two heroes started watching a Two and a half Men marathon. When El Moe returned they would be ready but for now they were asleep.

End of Episode 7

(EP.8 will be up on Sunday)

An enraged El Moe

The Legend of Knockertron (EP.6)

Please note that all of the content in this blog is 96.45% fictional.

            Our two heroes awoke at 9.13 am in sunny Hawaii with nothing on except space suits. “Well” murmured Samii “This is new”. The two friends looked around the beach they had landed on with wonder and amazement. Then in a flash Knockertron realized something quite peculiar “Samii!!” he exclaimed “We have tracker chips in our arms!” Within an instant of him saying this, a large green limo pulled onto the beach (clearly illegal) while an absurdly large hand reached out and pulled our two heroes inside (even more illegal). When they got into the limo they were greeted by the oddest selection of characters they had ever seen (which is saying a lot for the two of them!)

            Sitting directly opposite them was an Iranian man of about 7 feet tall wearing a pink tuxedo, clown shoes and a magicians cloak, and next to him was presumably the man who had pulled them in. He was only 3 feet tall but his hands looked like they had been inflated. He also had a luminous green beard which Knockertron guessed could probably blind hamsters. Even though they couldn’t see much of the driver he looked pretty normal, that is until they saw the huge pile of assorted fruits beside him. Suddenly the pink tuxedo man began speaking

“We have been watching you since your incident Knockertron” he said “We are interested in you joining our club for underappreciated super-powered entities. I am ‘The Body Popper’ , I can make any part of me abnormally large hence my large frame & clown size feet. The gentleman to the right of me is ‘The Glove’. He is abnormally small as well as deaf and blind but he has enough arm strength to catch crashing planes!”

“Then why is he underappreciated” interrupted Samii  

“Well” said the man after a pause “He also likes throwing landed planes, which shall we say ‘annoys people’ or ‘grinds their gears’. It’s all in good fun though & he waits till the passengers have gotten off. And I almost forgot about our driver ‘Mr. Fruity’, he can eat as much fruit as he wants & it always returns to him hence the massive pile of fruit.”

“Awesome!” said Knockertron his voice full of enthusiasm “How do I sign up?”

“Well first you have to come up with a name” replied The Body Popper

“How about ‘The Goat?’”

“Taken”

“Billy Goat?”

“Taken!”

“The Goat/Chicken?”

“Taken!!”

“Goatertron?”

“Taken!!!”

“Goatinator?”

“TAKEN!!!!”

“Ok then!” replied an exasperated Knockertron “What isn’t taken?”

“Well we have three left on our database ‘The Ironic Avocado’, ‘The Flabbergasted Ostrich’ or ‘The Irritated Hedgehog’. Take your pick amigo. Yes that’s right bet you didn’t know I was fluent in Mexican!”

“Three pretty good choices” murmured Knockertron “And that Mexican is perfect by the way, I’m going to have to go with. . . ‘The Ironic Avocado’!!”

“Good choice Sir”

“This superhero but I still have one question,” interjected Samii “How did we end up in Hawaii and what’s with the spacesuits?”

“Well that question is easy to answer. But I’m not going to so see you later Terminator (1, of course 2 & 3 were ok but salvation was a pre-told storyline for Christ’s sakes LOL ‘yawn’)” and with that ‘The Glove threw them back to Samii’s L.A penthouse apartment with nothing but their spacesuits and Knockertron’s new Superhero degree. “We got to go back to Hawaii sometime” said Samii after a long pause “The fruit salad there is off the hook!”

“After the Super-Bowl” grumbled Knockertron as he fell asleep bringing to a close the craziest day of our two heroes young lives. However seconds later Samii received a call “So he knows nothing?” said the shadowy voice on the other end of the line.

“Nothing” replied Samii “It's all up to you to tell him now”

“You realize he can’t avenge Shaniqua III’s death”

“Why?”

“Because he’s not his uncle”

“Then who is?” asked Samii

“I am!” said El Moe Kiely Fox from the doorway of the apartment holding the blockiest Nokia that the 1980's had to offer.

End of Episode 6

(Episode 7 up on Friday!)

P.S. Like Share & Follow-Octavius

'The Glove' (Green beard is shaven)

In remeberance of all the fighting chickens who gave their lives in order for this blog be where it is today.

R.I.P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Legend of Knockertron (EP.5)

Note that all of the content in this blog is 96.45% fictional.

Knockertron was filled with hope for a new beginning as he returned to the house of his soon-to-be friend Samii Escobar. He knocked on the door in his imagination and then climbed in the window because he’s Knockertron and he don’t follow your petty rules. “Hello” said Samii “I’ve been expecting you young Tron”

“Cut the cheese Jack” said Knockertron with aplomb “Are we gonna be homies or not dog?!”

“Your anger upsets me” revealed Samii “I’m not sure if I can live the fast paced life being a friend of yours seems to entail. However if a season ticket to the Mexico City Garcias Pelotas games was included we could be in business” (Pelotas is a fast paced sport quite like squash but played by Mexicans with hollowed out banana’s instead of rackets.)

a“We have a deal mon garçon.” said Knockertron thus forming the most dynamic partnership in modern media since the Mario Brothers. Yes that is the kind of awesomeness we are talking about here Knockertron fans, this is like Bart and Homer on steroids and it’s at least double Phineas & Pherb. Brace your spleens it’s about to down.

The two newfound friends hit the L.A. club scene hard as a celebration of their friendship. Charlie Sheen was even quoted as saying “Oh those two oh yeah… they’re trouble I steer well clear of those crazy b*****ds. They off the chain yo” They partied so hard that at 5 o’clock the next afternoon the two of them woke up in a post office with 4 banana peels and six angry midgets in their bag packs. The post office staff laughed about it but the midgets did not. Luckily Knockertron managed to fight their way out of the post office via 6 swift kicks to the dwarves respective windpipes.

“Well that was a sticky situation” grumbled Samii “And while I had a great time we should probably get on to avenging your uncle. Bill (Gates) is gonna be pissed.” “Ye I’m gonna register as a superhero in the morning.” Replied Knockertron “But first I gotta get home and hit the hay. Last night has me layed out liked a flame grilled Bathurst sausage.”

“See you in the morning.” Replied Samii agreeably “I got to deal some drugs at the old folk’s home yano, business is booming these days.” And with that the two heroes went to bed ready for any adventure that could possibly hit them the next day. (Except a Lord of the Rings style adventure-quest, that would really suck.)

End of Episode 5

(Episodes will be released every Wednesday, Friday & Sunday)

Like & Share and of course thanks for reading- Octavius

A game of Pelota being played in Mexico.

The Legend of Knockertron (EP.4)

Note that all of the content of this blog is 96.45% fictional

            Still reeling from the death of Bruce Lee and having completely forgotten about his plan to become a professional cyclist, Knockertron stumbled from open bar to open bar on the L.A club scene. In fact by 9.30pm he was so wasted you could have knocked him over with an internet. He probably would have knocked over at least 14 dustbins on the way home if it wasn’t for the interjection of a kindly soul. And that soul was a young Korean man called Samii Escobar.

            Samii Escobar came across Knockertron earlier in the evening. He picked him out because he thought that it was slightly odd that a chicken was downing shots of Jack Daniels on the L.A club scene. He decided to follow him and help him get home because Mr. Escobar was a kindly sort of fellow. He was also a big contributor to the founder of popular boy-band Boyzonal. All these factors combined to compel Mr. Escobar to follow our hero. It turned out to be a decision that would alter both of these colorful characters lives forever. So Samii escorted our hero to his home and waited until till he awoke.

“You were pretty banana’d last night” said Samii

“I was fine if not for the fish and chips” replied Knockertron

“That may be true but you have angered the Gods” yelled Samii

“I do not care for weathermen, Good day to you Sir!!” replied Knockertron and stampeded out of Samii’s dwelling.

“You will need me when the time comes” shouted Samii after him.

            Back at Crazy Bill’s Funky Farmyard our hero was contemplating recent events in his life. “Maybe I should let this new guy into my sub-concious” he thought. “I need a strong male influence in my life after my father cast me out and my uncle died. But maybe he might just use me for my cookie recipe.” After much of this kind of deliberating Knockertron decided to return to the dwelling of this mystery man (Who isn’t a mystery to any of you readers! Lol) Knockertron was about to make his first real friend since the late nineties. The lone wolf that was Knockertron would no longer be completely alone. He would have one friend.

End of Episode 4

(Episode 5 will be up on Sunday.)

P.S Like Share & follow, Knockertron gives his thanks

Samii Escobar

The Legend of Knockertron (EP. 3)

Note that all of the content in this blog is 96.45% fictional.

As soon as Knockertron left the arena, he was confronted by his uncle. The initial delight at seeing his long lost uncle was immediately extinguished by the stream of abuse that flew out of Shaniqua III’s mouth. “You little fart-nugget!” he said “You were always a terrible fighter and we both know it. What’s changed?”

“N-n-n-nothing” stammered Knockertron nervously. But the more nervous he became the more goatee-hairs sprouted out of his moistened chin.

“Oh No.” exclaimed Shaniqua III “Please don’t tell me you’ve been involved with goats! Goats are terrible. They’ll tell you that you’re the one for them on Monday and then by Thursday they’ll be in Sweden with Barbara from work drinking milkshakes at a cinema. If you have anything to do with any goats I’m dead to you.”

“Wait what?” said Knockertron.

Then as if on cue a strange creature that called itself “El Moe Keily Fox” dropped down from its web on the roof and slit Shaniqua III’s throat. Shaniqua was indeed now dead to him. “Damn.” said Knockertron and aimlessly walked around in circles for a few minutes allowing El Moe to make his escape. Knockertron then came to his senses and knelt beside the body of his uncle. “I’m so sorry” he croaked “I was experimented on by goats and given goat-like powers. But I swear to you when I volunteered for the experiment I didn’t know that they would be goats, I thought they would be water-voles or something. I didn’t knooww!!!”

“Well I suppose that makes sense.” replied Shaniqua “Water-voles are always experimenting on things… Don’t worry I forgive you. But before I die know this my young enchilada, you have great power now, and with all great power comes . . . muffins! And with that the great warrior Bruce Lee died (Bruce Lee happened to die at the exact same time as Shaniqua III, who was a terrible warrior by the way.)

“Noooooooooo!!!!!” screamed Knockertron “Enter the Dragon was a bad-ass movie! How could Bruce Lee die.” and slowly still reeling from the shock of his hero’s death our hero traipsed away from the brutally-defaced remains of his uncle. (In case you are wondering his remains were defaced by delinquent guinea pigs.)

Later that day Knockertron was contemplating the death of his uncle. He never really liked him but at the same time remembered Ancient Mexican chicken rule #142: “The death of all chickens must be avenged within 30 days or great dishonor will be brought onto the family of entrepreneur Bill Gates.” Not wanting his Xbox One pre-order to be damaged in any way Knockertron knew that he couldn’t allow shame to be brought on Mr. Gates or his family. He knew what he had to do. He had to wear tight pants, go by a ridiculous name, win over the affections of the local female news reporter and then finally in the last episode avenge the death of his loved one. “What do you call people who do that again” thought Knockertron aloud, disturbing the other residents of Crazy Bill’s Funky Farmyard. “Oh yeah, they’re called cyclists! I’m going to be a cyclist!” Knockertron was suddenly happy as he ate on the muffins he had gained because of his great power. Everything was going to be Quentin Tarantino.

End of Part Three

(The blog will be updated with a new episode every Wednesday Saturday & Sunday. Happy Hanucca!  -Octavius)

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Shaniqua III back in college

The Legend of Knockertron (EP.2)

Note that all of the content in this blog is 96.45% fictional.

                     The first thing Knockertron noticed about L.A was the bright lights… Pity it was from a car that was about to run over him. He dived out of the way just about escaping with his life. He carried on into the city until he found a dirty abandoned creature in a dark alleyway. It definitely wasn’t human so Knockertron decided to investigate. “What are you” grunted Knockertron his voice full of sandwiches.

“My name is Bubbles” said the creature “Justin Bieber’s old Monkey. He abandoned me in Germany and I had to hitchhike back here but then Justin didn’t even want me! He cast me out on the streets to fend for myself! But the worst part is he replaced me! With a platypus… called Henry!”

“I wouldn’t take that from my man” interjected Knockertron. “I’d be all like ah hell no!!”  

“Be that as it may L.A is no place for animals. Heed my warning young padawan”

“No” replied our hero and with that he was gone.

          Later that day Knockertron finally found the Mexican fighting chicken arena. He knew then that his time had come. He went straight in and in the first 4 minutes he was in his first professional fight. Using his new goat powers he won the fight easily and was given a prize of $6.24. He turned around to leave after receiving the cheque and was immediately confronted with a very smelly man probably of Caribbean descent. “You got potential kid” he said “I’m a promoter around here and I think you could be something special. Swing by here in three days and ill enter you in a fight that has 840 rupees in prize money. Here’s my card.”  And with that the man left. Our hero returned to his newly rented apartment on Crazy Bill’s Funky Farmyard convinced that this would be the start of a better life for him.

          Elsewhere in L.A Knockertron’s uncle, Shaniqua III (The only other chicken to be banished from the tribe) heard the news of the “Young Prodigy of the cock-fighting universe”. He immediately knew it was his nephew because of his voodoo powers and set off to find him. He felt that Knockertron might need the company of a fellow chicken while he was settling in to a new city.

          Three days passed quickly and Knockertron was ready for his second fight. As far as he was concerned the money was as good as his. He arrived at the arena and was immediately greeted by the promoter from three days previous. “I knew you’d show up kid. This fight is going to catapult you into the big time.” Knockertron nodded and stepped up into the pit. Although the chicken across from him looked tough he knew that his goat-powers would win the day. The announcers voice sounded “In the right corner weighing 8 pounds and 4 ounces The Abominable Rooster!!” he said “And in the left corner weighing 5 pounds and 8 ounces the newcomer Knocker…trooon!!!” Knockertron knew the crowd was cheering but he had gone into ultra Zen Buddha-goat mode. He was laser focused on his opponent. He started to stare him down but then got something stuck in his eye and had to look away. He didn’t even here the bell signaling the start of the fight. He knew the fight had started when the other chicken just charged him. He sidestepped the attack with goat like speed and then brutally started beating the other chicken into the ground. The fight was over in a matter of seconds leaving the whole crowd wondering how he could fight like that. However one person knew that he in fact couldn’t fight like that, because his uncle Shaniqua III had found him.

End of Episode 2

(Sorry if that one was slightly more serious than the first one. I promise the next one will be so insane you’ll shoot rainbows out of your bellybutton.)

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Our hero midway through his operation.