Note that all of the content in this blog
is 96.45% fictional.
As soon as Knockertron left the arena, he was
confronted by his uncle. The initial delight at seeing his long lost uncle was
immediately extinguished by the stream of abuse that flew out of Shaniqua III’s
mouth. “You little fart-nugget!” he said “You were always a terrible fighter
and we both know it. What’s changed?”
“N-n-n-nothing” stammered Knockertron nervously.
But the more nervous he became the more goatee-hairs sprouted out of his moistened
chin.
“Oh No.” exclaimed Shaniqua III “Please don’t tell
me you’ve been involved with goats! Goats are terrible. They’ll tell you that you’re
the one for them on Monday and then by Thursday they’ll be in Sweden with Barbara
from work drinking milkshakes at a cinema. If you have anything to do with any goats
I’m dead to you.”
“Wait what?” said Knockertron.
Then as if on cue a strange creature that called
itself “El Moe Keily Fox” dropped down from its web on the roof and slit
Shaniqua III’s throat. Shaniqua was indeed now dead to him. “Damn.” said Knockertron
and aimlessly walked around in circles for a few minutes allowing El Moe to make
his escape. Knockertron then came to his senses and knelt beside the body of
his uncle. “I’m so sorry” he croaked “I was experimented on by goats and given
goat-like powers. But I swear to you when I volunteered for the experiment I didn’t
know that they would be goats, I thought they would be water-voles or something.
I didn’t knooww!!!”
“Well I suppose that makes sense.” replied
Shaniqua “Water-voles are always experimenting on things… Don’t worry I forgive
you. But before I die know this my young enchilada, you have great power now,
and with all great power comes . . . muffins! And with that the great warrior Bruce
Lee died (Bruce Lee happened to die at the exact same time as Shaniqua III, who
was a terrible warrior by the way.)
“Noooooooooo!!!!!” screamed Knockertron “Enter the
Dragon was a bad-ass movie! How could Bruce Lee die.” and slowly still reeling
from the shock of his hero’s death our hero traipsed away from the
brutally-defaced remains of his uncle. (In case you are wondering his remains
were defaced by delinquent guinea pigs.)
Later that day Knockertron was contemplating the
death of his uncle. He never really liked him but at the same time remembered Ancient
Mexican chicken rule #142: “The death of all chickens must be avenged within 30
days or great dishonor will be brought onto the family of entrepreneur Bill
Gates.” Not wanting his Xbox One pre-order to be damaged in any way Knockertron
knew that he couldn’t allow shame to be brought on Mr. Gates or his family. He
knew what he had to do. He had to wear tight pants, go by a ridiculous name, win
over the affections of the local female news reporter and then finally in the
last episode avenge the death of his loved one. “What do you call people who do
that again” thought Knockertron aloud, disturbing the other residents of Crazy
Bill’s Funky Farmyard. “Oh yeah, they’re called cyclists! I’m going to be a
cyclist!” Knockertron was suddenly happy as he ate on the muffins he had gained
because of his great power. Everything was going to be Quentin Tarantino.
End of Part Three
(The blog will be updated
with a new episode every Wednesday Saturday & Sunday. Happy Hanucca! -Octavius)
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